Chapter Text
As soon as I stormed into the station, Reid was hot on my tail. I knew he wanted to talk about what happened, but at that moment, I had no intention of talking. I needed to cool down first. We both did, but Reid would never admit that to himself. One thing I learned about my coworker in the short time I knew him was that he was a prideful person.
There are two traits that define prideful people. The first of these being that when attacked, such individuals will always feel a need to protect their self-image and ego, and will thus always go into defense mode when their viewpoints are challenged. This wasn’t so much Reid’s problem, since we never found difficulty amongst ourselves when we debated about different philosophies or topics. Rather, he fell victim to pride’s second fatal trait: he found difficulty in admitting that he was wrong.
So, when Reid started to vigorously argue with me to prove his point, grasping to maintain whatever perceived superiority he constructed for himself, I should have just given in. I should have avoided the power struggle. I should have stayed calm.
But of course this isn’t what happened. Perhaps the only worse thing than pride, is stubbornness. And I am an obstinate person.
Reid and I both were prepared to fight to the death to defend our ideologies, much like Romulus and Remus. And we no doubt were about to have a similar falling out. I’m self-aware enough to admit that my attitude was probably just adding fuel to the fire, but I wasn’t the one who lit the fire in the first place.
You see, after we arrived at the station, not even two minutes had gone by when I felt Reid tugging me by the arm. And before I could understand what was happening, he pulled me into a much smaller room in the hallway across from the conference room. The blinds were closed and the lights were off, making the room look something akin to a closet. The table in the middle of the room was crowded with boxes, each having a different label on them, further giving the room its storage closet aesthetic.
“We need to talk.” Reid said once he had shut the door behind us. Just like those two divine brothers, who had differing visions for how Rome should be built and governed, we were both prepared to tear at each other's throats if it meant that our points would get across.
“ ‘bout what?” I said, still reeling from the fact that Reid had dragged me into what was about to be our Tiber River, more or less in the form of a closet.
“About what happened out there.”
“Reid, I already told you. I would make the same decision again,” He blocked me from walking past him.
“That’s exactly why we need to talk.”
“What do you want me to say Reid? That I’m sorry and will never do it again?” I couldn’t help but feel a child being reprimanded.
“What do you think is going happened if the warrant doesn't come in, huh? We would be forced to let him walk. And then what?”
“And then…. Justice would find him eventually.” I looked towards the ground to avoid his gaze. But that reprieve was short lived. Reid grabbed my arm, forcing me to turn my attention back to him.
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“It means, eventually he would have gotten what was coming to him.” I shook my arm free, and Reid took a step back, bewildered.
“Are- are you saying what I think you're saying?”
“I don't know Reid, what do you think I'm saying?”
“I think you're implying that you would have taken justice into your own hands.” His eyes were penetrating into my soul, trying to search for the meaning behind my words. After he could see that I wasn’t going to answer, he continued. “Tell me I’m wrong.”
“You’re wrong,” I shrugged.
“And you’re lying.” He took a step towards me as I rolled my eyes. “Y/N.”
“Are we done here?”
“We're not even close to being done. This was your first case and you're already going off the rails? How you managed to get through the Academy, I'll never know, but when you're under my watch, you're not going to act like this. And I'm going to make sure of it.”
“How are you gonna do that Reid? By keeping me attached to your hip at all times?”
“If that’s what I have to do, then yes.”
“Do you even hear yourself?“
“Me?” his voice grew louder, “What about you and your vigilante justice!”
“You’re talking about monitoring me at all times, that’s not practical!” I already had one handler, I didn’t need another.
“Oh, you now want to talk about being practical? How about when you disregarded direct orders from your superior during a take down.”
“My superior?!” I scoffed at his implication, and his face was growing a dangerous shade of red.
“Yes, your superior. I was assigned to you, which means I’m sure as hell not going to let you start playing vigilante!”
“Is there a problem here?” We both turned around to find Hotch standing in the doorway. He must have heard us yelling. It was no surprise that Hotch was taken aback, having walked in on what probably reflected the scene of that age-old struggle between the brothers who argued to the death over different ideologies on which to found a nation.
I saw Reid instantly straighten up, and we both retreated into silence, waiting for the other to speak.
“Do either of you want to explain to me why I walked into a closet to find two of my agents tearing at each other's throats?” Hotch had an incredulous look on his face, which I couldn’t fault him for. But, my response wasn’t anymore helpful since I made the foolish decision to point out his error in jest.
“This isn’t a closet.”
Hotch’s expression told me that he wasn’t amused. I sighed, knowing that we weren't going to be let off the hook so easily. Reid turned to me and looked me in the eyes, daring me to contradict what he was about to say, “Y/L/N entered Horton’s house without probable cause.” I saw a darkness arise behind Reid's eyes. The pride he found in winning the argument took the form of a subtle sinister expression on his face, and I could have sworn that I saw the corner of his mouth raise into a smile. Hotch, having been a lawyer in a past life, would no doubt side with Reid in this matter, thereby defeating any possible defense I could make. The victory was Reid’s, and I had all but received my fatal blow alongside the river.
“We can’t legally charge him with anything now,” he added, turning back to Hotch.
Hotch looked between us impassively as if to judge what our reactions would be to his next statement. He finally settled his gaze on me. “Prentiss was able to convince the judge to approve the warrant before you two arrived on scene.”
Reid took a step back, as if it was he and not Remus who had a spear thrown at him. I too was visibly shocked at this.
“What?” I breathed in surprise. “So, what happens now? Horton’s not dismissed?”
“No. He’s in the interrogation room right now. You guys did good.” Hotch replied in an apprehensive tone. He was clearly worried about how worked up Reid seemed to be over this. “Y/L/N, the other officers out there want to commend you on your judgment in the field out there.” Hotch stressed the fact that it was the police force, and not he himself who would be commending me for what happened out there.
“Just f*cking fantastic.” Reid spat before he stormed out of the room. After a beat of silence, I started to make my way to the door. I figured that it was best for me to head back out to the precinct as well, but Hotch had something else on his mind.
“Y/N.” I froze. Hotch was staring at the ground, thinking about what to say. But, I already had a good guess. A reprimand was in order.
“Is there anything else going on here that I should be aware of?” He raised his eyebrows, prepared to nip anything in the bud should he need to. I knew what he was implying. Two agents don’t get into this heated of an argument unless emotions are involved. Granted, there were emotions, but there truthfully wasn’t anything else. We were just coworkers. Albeit, prideful and stubborn coworkers, but still just coworkers. I made sure to communicate as such to Hotch.
“No, Reid’s just upset because I entered the house without probable cause and we didn’t have a warrant.”
“And you’re surprised? He should be upset. I know you’re used to doing things differently in the CIA, but while you’re a part of this team, there is a natural order to things that you have to follow.”
“I know…” we both settled into a momentary silence, and my mind drifted to the case.
“So, about that warrant…. ” It sounded almost too good to be true, and I had to make sure that Hotch wasn’t just placating Reid earlier.
“Yes, Prentiss managed to secure it.” He said, reading my thoughts. Like Romulus and Remus stumbling upon the nurturing she-wolf in their hour of dire need, we had found ourselves rescued from the brink of failure by a stroke of fortune so unexpected it seemed ordained by the fates themselves.
“You got lucky this time.” I nodded, still in disbelief. “The next time you try to pull something like this, you won't be so lucky. I'll be forced to suspend you.”
“Understood,” I said, slightly dejected at the fact that Hotch was right. But at least I’d been brought back from the brink of catastrophe by an unimaginable stroke of luck. Reid may have abandoned me by the river to ride through a tidal wave of potential repercussions by myself, but despite the uncertainty, there was at least a way out of this mess.
…..
August 15 2020 9:40 PM EST
Somewhere Over Massachusetts
BAU Jet
On the plane ride home, Rossi had broken out a bottle of scotch to celebrate the ease with which we were able to close this last case. We had had more than enough evidence with which to implicate Horton, and so we were able to wrap up the case in no time.
Everyone seemed to lighten up at the idea of drinking to a case well solved. Everyone except Reid. He was the only one who didn’t get up to get a glass. The others were more than happy to unwind before having to go home.
I was just amazed at the fact that I was about to be drinking with a handful of feds… on a jet.
After everyone had their glasses, we all settled into a comfortable conversation. Though, it wasn’t long before that conversation turned back to work.
“So, Y/L/N.” Tara Lewis spoke up, “First case. How’d you like it?”
“It wasn’t what I was expecting,” I said, glancing over to Reid who had his back facing us, “but I think I’ll like it here.” I smiled. I wasn’t a fan of scotch, but I could get used to the camaraderie this team seemed to offer.
“Well you certainly fit in. Great profiling with Horton.” Rossi spoke behind his glass.
“Yeah, that was a good call. How’d you know it was him?”
“Call it a gut feeling.” I offered with a shrug. My evasiveness didn’t go unnoticed by Hotch, but he thankfully decided to remain silent on the matter.
A few sips later, he ended up breaking away from the conversation to get a head start on paper work. Rossi joined him shortly afterwards and they started discussing something amongst themselves. The rest of us continued our conversations, which eventually drifted to the take down.
“You had excellent timing Y/L/N.” Prentiss began. “A moment earlier and my conversation with the Judge would have gone a lot differently.”
Reid shook his head to himself at this, and I couldn’t help but notice. This was the first indication that he gave that had even been listening to anything we were saying. The others seemed too preoccupied, so the gesture just slipped them by. I brought my attention back to the rest of the team and they each continued going around taking turns in offering me congratulations on a successful first case.
Only two people didn’t congratulate me. The first being Hotch, which I understood and couldn’t fault him for. He knew I acted out of line and I didn’t blame him for not wanting to encourage such behavior. Reid was the second. He sat on the far end of the jet by himself. He hadn’t spoken a word to me since he stormed out of that closet, and I knew I needed to do some damage control. So, armed with two glasses of scotch, I went to take the seat across from him.
Neither of us spoke right away. He had his face buried in a book and I didn’t want to interrupt him. So, I quietly slid one of the glasses over to him.
“I’m not congratulating you.” He said without looking up from his book.
“I don’t expect you to.” He still refused to look up. “In fact…. I want to apologize.” That got his attention.
“About what exactly?”
“....”
He closed his book and leaned forward, waiting for me to speak. I continued just above a whisper so the others wouldn’t eavesdrop. “About what happened at the station. I’m sorry we fought.”
“That’s what you’re apologizing for?”
“What else would I be apologizing for?”
“Maybe for jeopardizing a case? That would be a great place to start.”
“The case wasn’t jeopardized. We got the warrant.”
“You heard Emily. We could have just as easily not gotten it.” I knew Reid was right. Hotch already scolded me about this. But, unlike Reid, Hotch wasn’t a proud person, so I had no problem admitting to Hotch that I was in the wrong. The difference is that Hotch knew and could understand why I acted as I did. Reid already made it perfectly clear that he wasn't willing to understand or respect my reasoning in the matter.
“But we did. So, I see nothing wrong here.”
“Nothing wrong? Nothing at all?” I shook my head at him. “Something's very wrong. You played God, Y/L/N. And just because you got off the hook, that doesn’t make it okay.”
“I didn’t play God.” I rolled my eyes, raising my glass to take another sip.
Reid’s hand gripped my wrist, halting my arm midway. “Yes you did. You took justice into your own hands. We didn’t know for certain that it was Horton. You made an educated guess.” He let go of my wrist and sat back with a sigh. “Just because you were right this time doesn’t mean you will be in the future.”
“I didn’t just make a guess. You knew it was Horton as well as I did. You’re just too proud to admit it.” I’m not sure why, but I started getting frustrated. I blame the alcohol. I didn’t want to egg him on, but he made it very easy to argue with him.
“Assuming that is true, you still shouldn’t have entered that house. You put three other law enforcement officials in danger, not to mention yourself.”
“Exactly how did I put you in danger?” I ran the logistics in my head before I entered the house, which is why I knew this was a completely baseless claim. But, I wanted to entertain his thoughts, if for no other reason than to show him that I was capable of what he wasn't.
“You stormed into that house without me. Without backup. And without a plan.” He numbered each of his points out on his fingers. “You didn’t communicate to the other officers covering the back what you were doing or what you planned to do. You just acted. And while sometimes, immediate action saves lives, this time this wasn’t the case. You put everyone in that house at risk.”
“I did the opposite. If you could just open your mind for one second, you’d realize that if we waited for backup, that kid wouldn’t have made it. Are you so bent on following the rules that you would have sacrificed that kid’s life to prove a point?”
“It’s not about proving a point.” He leaned forward again, sighing. Realizing that the argument was starting to get out of hand again, he tried to continue more calmly. “This isn’t even about the kid. I’m trying to get you to understand that this type of behavior isn’t acceptable out on the field.“
“But, pulling your coworker into a closet to argue different theories about justice is proper behavior?” He frowned, and some of that red anger from back at the station was starting to bloom across his features again.
“Theories? You think we were arguing over theories?”
“No you’re right, we were arguing over the weather now that I think about it.”
“Y/N, when you joined this team - as a matter of fact, when you joined the Academy- you became a law enforcement officer. That means you agreed to enforce the law.”
“I did enforce the law.”
“But you broke it first in order to do so. You can’t choose which laws to follow!” he was struggling to keep his voice below a whisper.
I put my drink down on the table, and got up on my elbows to lean across the table. “Reid, are you seriously going to sit there on your high horse and tell me you’ve never broken any laws, never broken any protocols, or never even once came close to bending certain rules? Even if it was for the greater good?”
Reid looked over his shoulder to make sure the other agents weren’t eavesdropping. He leaned in closer so that we were mere inches away from each other's faces. I could feel the heat in his breath as he spoke, lacing each word with acrimony. “What are you implying?”
“I’m implying that you should cast the beam out of your own eye first.”
I’m not sure at which point Reid’s frustration turned into animosity but as I sat there, engaged in a silent staring contest with him, I noticed that something different seemed to lurk beneath the surface of his gaze. I could tell he was contemplating something, but I couldn’t put my finger on what it was. Whatever it was, he knew we were both too caught up in anger to express ourselves effectively. Both our thoughts were clouded with emotion, and the line between genuine constructive criticism and mere chastisem*nt was starting to blur. My thoughts were further distorted by the glass of scotch that was initially intended only to bring an air of celebration and satisfaction. Now, it seemed more like a welcome reprieve from this disdainful conversation.
My eyes turned to the glass in question and Reid followed my gaze.He was quicker than I was and he moved it away from me before I could reach for it.
“Either talk to me without the liquid encouragement, or don’t talk to me at all.”
I knew I owed him that much at the very least. I had just insulted him after all, though it wasn’t undeserved. I knew his arguments were based on sound reason and he was only now acting out of concern. And I knew I shouldn’t be childish and blame him for something that I had started in the first place. But, despite knowing all of this, I scoffed and got up to walk back to the other side of the jet to pour myself another glass and join the more pleasurable company.
….
